I have just learned that the Toronto Maple Leafs are going into serious PANIC mode now. As you all know by now Mike Peca has done something totally stupid and signed with the Blue Jackets. Now the Blue Jackets are competing with the Blues in the all new game show "Turn the clock back to 1996." This show features past stars from the 90's such as Doug Weight, Keith Tkachuk, Paul Kariya, Sergei Fedorov, Adam Foote and now Mike Peca. Word has it that Tony Amonte, Jason Allison and Eric Lindros will all end up with 1 of these teams. Look for Vernon and Roy to come out of Retirement and have a rematch of their 1997 bout at Joe Louis Arena. This time they will be using swords an shields. P2
I just heard from a fake non source that with the Peca and Linden domino's crushing the entire league that GM's will be wheeling and dealing faster than Michael Vick's lawyer. Word on Sesame Street has it that Oscar the Grouch er I mean Brian Burke is about to trade for Markus Naslund and Brendan Morrison. He will be givng up Getzlaf and Perry because they will too expensive to re-sign next summer. Burke is already planning on raiding all the Red Wings UFA's to fill the void. There may be as many as 1000 trades between now and opening night. One GM told me "it's crazy right now. No one expetced Peca to go to Columbus. This could have lasting implications from all moves made from now on. I might have to quit my job because I cannot deal with this hysteria and pressure. I may have to demote myself to Mike Milbury's job...Vice President of Paper Clips"...P2 Again I cannot reveal who this GM is as you all know...all players, agents and GM's trust me with their lives...P5
With the NHL floodgates opening at an alarming rate, the NHL season may be delayed by 1 month as NHL arenas try and get rid of all the water. I am hearing that the Leafs are very close to making some big time moves. Kubina might be headed to Anaheim for Pronger because Burke wants to upgrade his defence and feels that Pronger is not a true #1 dman. Also I am hearing McCabe for Lidstrom is in play. Detroit has Kindl coming up and he might be ready so there may not be a need for Lidstrom who even though he won his 5th Norris Trophy is declining. McCabe can shoot the puck and with Rafalski feeding him the puck he might score 100 goals and challenge Vinny for the Rocket Richard Trophy this season. Vinny has alot of pressure winning this trophy in front of the Habs fans. P2
I just heard on my Fisher Price Walkie Talkie from a source who I thought died last week that...Raycroft is being heavily pursued. Apparently a man who lives in Maine has been stalking Razor ever since he came to Toronto. He has been calling his home and yelling things like "you never were any good and Toivenen is better! Thornton sucks! Sturm rules! The Bruins have the best 4 forward lines in the league! The Bruins top 6 D is better than anyone in the NHL! The Bruins draft better than anyone else does and always have! Injuries are the ONLY reason why the Bruins have not won the Cup the past 10 years! The Bruins always spend money but not when the player is washed up like Thornton is! " Raycroft for Kiprusoff is the rumour right now but I am going to be checking this out. It is not really believable when you think about it. I mean I can see the Flames wanting to rid themselves of the useless Kipper who only records shutouts and wins games by himself. However the thought of the Leafs dealing Raycroft has to be a lie. It just HAS to be. More to not come later...P2
Well I am writing this blog to you today from the Witness Protection Program. Yes the same one which Alfredsson, Heatley and Spezza were on in the Stanley Cup Final versus Anaheim. I talked to all 3 of them and they all told me they still play in the NHL and plan on winning the Cup this season. In other news the Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays will win the World Series. Anyway my fake fam suffered some massive contusions to the head and bled profusely during our paintball adventure yesterday. I left them there to walk home but they have not come back yet. Who knows where they are. Maybe they went to my 2nd home in Nashville and are playing in the Banjo Festival which is going on right now. Steve Sullivan has won this event 4 years in a row now. I think it's the short arms which give him a decided advantage. P4
Some quick hit BS rumours...
Markov to Isles P1, Pens P2, Hawks P3, Wings P4
Forsberg to Preds P2, Flyers P1, Avs P4, Sens P3
Eklund to Nashville P2, Atlanta P3, Briere's house P2, Michalek's dressing room locker P5
Hockey Buzz to lose more minions P5, beg you for money P5, install crappy features on site P5, be extinct in less than a year P5
Niedermayer to retire P3, play P3, retire P3, play P3
I am working on determining which sex Eklund is right now. Man? Or Woman? Or bisexual transvestite? Does anyone really know? I mean he has huge man teets yet is uglier than Mike Ricci. I have talked to some Private Investigators about this and this is what they have to say...
Bill Matlock: " Eklund is a man. Though he has man teets there is no doubt that he is a man. My sources confirm it"
Columbo: Eklund pretends that he is smart but really he is stupid. A little bird told me that he is actually a woman and waxes his upper lip and eats hot leg wax as a means of getting NHL rumours. But rest assured he is INDEED a very ugly woman."
Inspector Gadget: "Eklund is neither a man nor a woman. Chief Quimby told me where to find him and I saw that he is neither. This message will self destruct just like Spezza, Heatley and Alfredsson in the Stanley Cup Final."
Doctor Claw was seen at Eklund's fake house and irate, just screaming at him with Mad Cat. Apparenty Dr. Claw is a big Rangers fan and was sold on Eklund claiming that Peca would be a Ranger at "any time now" and that the BJ rumours were just a "smokescreen". It was apparently just Don Meehan (Peca's agent) doing his job and driving the price up. Well Dr. Claw was heard by Eklund's fake neighbour (Daniel Briere) saying...NEXT TIME EKLUND! NEEEEXXXTTT TIIIMMMEEE! P4
I just heard from a fake non source that with the Peca and Linden domino's crushing the entire league that GM's will be wheeling and dealing faster than Michael Vick's lawyer. Word on Sesame Street has it that Oscar the Grouch er I mean Brian Burke is about to trade for Markus Naslund and Brendan Morrison. He will be givng up Getzlaf and Perry because they will too expensive to re-sign next summer. Burke is already planning on raiding all the Red Wings UFA's to fill the void. There may be as many as 1000 trades between now and opening night. One GM told me "it's crazy right now. No one expetced Peca to go to Columbus. This could have lasting implications from all moves made from now on. I might have to quit my job because I cannot deal with this hysteria and pressure. I may have to demote myself to Mike Milbury's job...Vice President of Paper Clips"...P2 Again I cannot reveal who this GM is as you all know...all players, agents and GM's trust me with their lives...P5
With the NHL floodgates opening at an alarming rate, the NHL season may be delayed by 1 month as NHL arenas try and get rid of all the water. I am hearing that the Leafs are very close to making some big time moves. Kubina might be headed to Anaheim for Pronger because Burke wants to upgrade his defence and feels that Pronger is not a true #1 dman. Also I am hearing McCabe for Lidstrom is in play. Detroit has Kindl coming up and he might be ready so there may not be a need for Lidstrom who even though he won his 5th Norris Trophy is declining. McCabe can shoot the puck and with Rafalski feeding him the puck he might score 100 goals and challenge Vinny for the Rocket Richard Trophy this season. Vinny has alot of pressure winning this trophy in front of the Habs fans. P2
I just heard on my Fisher Price Walkie Talkie from a source who I thought died last week that...Raycroft is being heavily pursued. Apparently a man who lives in Maine has been stalking Razor ever since he came to Toronto. He has been calling his home and yelling things like "you never were any good and Toivenen is better! Thornton sucks! Sturm rules! The Bruins have the best 4 forward lines in the league! The Bruins top 6 D is better than anyone in the NHL! The Bruins draft better than anyone else does and always have! Injuries are the ONLY reason why the Bruins have not won the Cup the past 10 years! The Bruins always spend money but not when the player is washed up like Thornton is! " Raycroft for Kiprusoff is the rumour right now but I am going to be checking this out. It is not really believable when you think about it. I mean I can see the Flames wanting to rid themselves of the useless Kipper who only records shutouts and wins games by himself. However the thought of the Leafs dealing Raycroft has to be a lie. It just HAS to be. More to not come later...P2
Well I am writing this blog to you today from the Witness Protection Program. Yes the same one which Alfredsson, Heatley and Spezza were on in the Stanley Cup Final versus Anaheim. I talked to all 3 of them and they all told me they still play in the NHL and plan on winning the Cup this season. In other news the Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays will win the World Series. Anyway my fake fam suffered some massive contusions to the head and bled profusely during our paintball adventure yesterday. I left them there to walk home but they have not come back yet. Who knows where they are. Maybe they went to my 2nd home in Nashville and are playing in the Banjo Festival which is going on right now. Steve Sullivan has won this event 4 years in a row now. I think it's the short arms which give him a decided advantage. P4
Some quick hit BS rumours...
Markov to Isles P1, Pens P2, Hawks P3, Wings P4
Forsberg to Preds P2, Flyers P1, Avs P4, Sens P3
Eklund to Nashville P2, Atlanta P3, Briere's house P2, Michalek's dressing room locker P5
Hockey Buzz to lose more minions P5, beg you for money P5, install crappy features on site P5, be extinct in less than a year P5
Niedermayer to retire P3, play P3, retire P3, play P3
I am working on determining which sex Eklund is right now. Man? Or Woman? Or bisexual transvestite? Does anyone really know? I mean he has huge man teets yet is uglier than Mike Ricci. I have talked to some Private Investigators about this and this is what they have to say...
Bill Matlock: " Eklund is a man. Though he has man teets there is no doubt that he is a man. My sources confirm it"
Columbo: Eklund pretends that he is smart but really he is stupid. A little bird told me that he is actually a woman and waxes his upper lip and eats hot leg wax as a means of getting NHL rumours. But rest assured he is INDEED a very ugly woman."
Inspector Gadget: "Eklund is neither a man nor a woman. Chief Quimby told me where to find him and I saw that he is neither. This message will self destruct just like Spezza, Heatley and Alfredsson in the Stanley Cup Final."
Doctor Claw was seen at Eklund's fake house and irate, just screaming at him with Mad Cat. Apparenty Dr. Claw is a big Rangers fan and was sold on Eklund claiming that Peca would be a Ranger at "any time now" and that the BJ rumours were just a "smokescreen". It was apparently just Don Meehan (Peca's agent) doing his job and driving the price up. Well Dr. Claw was heard by Eklund's fake neighbour (Daniel Briere) saying...NEXT TIME EKLUND! NEEEEXXXTTT TIIIMMMEEE! P4
2 comments:
Eklund smokes cock.
I concur. P5
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