BREAKING NEWS! HUGE 30 TEAM TRADE!

Wow folks. This is the BIGGEST trade in NHL history! It will be announced sometime tonight around 8 pm I am told. Now follow along closely or you will be totally lost...

Tampa trades Vinny Lecavalier and Marty St. Louis to the Habs for Chris Higgins, Andrei Markov, Carey Price and 2 1st round draft picks in 2010 and 2011. The Habs then deal Marty St. Louis to the LA Kings for Alexander Frolov. The Kings then trade St. Louis, Braydon Schenn and Anze Kopitar to the Leafs for Ponikorovsky, Kubina, Toskala and a 1st round pick. The Leafs then trade Kaberle, Hagman and a 1st round pick to the Bruins for Kessel, Bergeron and a 2nd round pick. The Bruins then trade Thomas, Sturm and Ference to the Flyers for Gagne and Emery. The Flyers then trade Briere to the Sabres for Miller. The Sabres then trade Pominville, Stafford and a 2nd round pick to the Oilers for Horcoff, Hemsky and Roloson. The Oilers then trade Souray and a 1st round pick to the Preds for Arnott and Legwand. The Preds then trade Weber and a 1st to the Isles for Tavares. The Isles then deal Richard Park, Doug Weight and DiPietro to the Red Wings for Filppula, Hudler and Osgood. The Wings then deal Park and Weight to the Pens for Guerin and Craig Adams. The Pens then trade Crosby, Malkin and Staal to the Canucks for Demitra, Hodgson, Bieksa and Luongo. The Canucks then trade Staal and Malkin to the Hawks for Kane and Toews. The Hawks then deal Bolland, Huet and a 1st round pick to the Canes for Jokinen, Brind'Amour and a 2nd round pick. The Canes then deal Cam Ward to the Blues for Tkachuk, Boyes and Eric Johnson. The Blues then trade Jackman, Oshie and Mason to the Blue Jackets for Nash. Columbus then deals Nash to the Devils for Oduya, Elias and Brodeur. The Devils then trade Nash and Parise to the Wild for Harding, Backstrom and Koivu. Minny then trades Parise and a 1st round pick to the Sharks for Michalek and Cheechoo. The Sharks then deal Marleau and Thornton to the Flames for Jokinen and Phaneuf. Calgary then sends Iginla and Regehr to the Rangers for Drury and Gomez. The Rangers then deal Redden and Lundqvist to the Avs for Smyth, Hejduk, Stastny and Budaj. The Avs then sign Sakic and trade him, along with a 1st round pick to the Caps for Backstrom and Theodore. The Caps then trade Mike Green and a 2nd round pick to Anaheim for Perry and Giguere. The Ducks then sign Niedermayer and Selanne only to then trade them to Ottawa for Heatley and Leclaire. Ottawa then trades Spezza and a 1st round pick to Atlanta for Kovalchuk. Atlanta then trades Lehtonen, Bogosian and a 1st round pick to Florida for Weiss, Horton and McCabe. Florida then trades Vokoun and Bogosian to Dallas for Turco, Modano and Ribiero. Dallas then trades Richards, Ott and a 1st to Phoenix for Doan, Jovanovski and Bryzgalov. P5

Did you get all that? The NHL will never be the same again! You heard it here first! No more to come later, do not stay tuned and I will never update you on this ever again! P5

I am hearing so many other things right now as the Free Agent Frenzy fast approaches! Mike Gillis was on a plane to go to Sweden and talk with the Sedins. They could be staying in Vancouver but they could also be going to the Habs. But do not count out the Flyers, Rangers, Leafs and Wild. They are all in on it. A darkhorse to watch out for could be the Sabres. The Hawks are trying to clear some cap space to lock up Havlat. I am hearing Campbell could be moved for Redden. The Hawks LOVE Redden. The Oilers LOVE Spezza and I am told they could ship Gagner and Stortini to the Sens. So many dominoes will be falling in the next 24 hours and you really need to pay attention to what happens. GM's are playing me like a fiddle right now as my reputation burns even more than it already has. If you could give me all your money then that would be great. Hey it's hard work being a total fraud you know. Do not stay tuned...P5

Some quick hit BS rumours before I burn up the phone lines and dig up some more bullshit rumours for you all...

Lecavalier to Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5
Gaborik to Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5
Sedins to Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5
Hossa to Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5, Habs P5
JBO to Flames P6.3, Flames P6.3, Flames P6.3, Flames P6.3

I expect the Hossa deal to be announced tonight after both Marian and Bob Gainey eat dinner. The Cap hit should be around 6.3 mil. After tomorrow the Habs will be SCARY GOOD and only the Canucks will be able to beat them in a 7 game series. Seriously folks, WTF? This is my house and you all better believe everything I say or else you will all die! Now give me all your money! P5

As I continue drinkin cocaine induced RED BULL mixed with week old chocolate donuts, I have come to yet another startling revelation...CHRIS PONGER is the best dman in hockey. Now I know you all think his best days are behind him but think about this for a minute. The Oilers traded for him and they came within 1 game of winning the Cup in 2006. Then he goes to the Ducks in 2007 and wins a Cup. Now I believe that he will put the Flyers over the top in 2010 and the Flyers will be Stanley Cup Champions. They are SCARY GOOD and only the Canucks can beat this team in a 7 game series. Nothing more is imminent...P5

GM's right now are calling me and texting me and twittering me so I am VERY busy right now. What do you all want me to make up? Tell me and I will give it you. You must give me proper amount of time to rip off the various hockey message boards so I can see what you all want your team to do. This is why I do not post until after 12 pm. Seriously friends, WTF do you expect? I do the best I can and I really believe I should be in the Hall of Fame. I saved the Preds. All players, agents and GM's TRUST me with their lives. Charles Wang wants to adopt me as his son. Brian Burke is my best friend. Come on folks. Do the right thing here. Give me all your money! P5

Here is a video of Eklund talking with an NHL GM today. Enjoy...

JBO signing IMMINENT, Sedins to Leafs, Vinny to Habs, Hossa to Kings, Gaborik to Canucks, Kaberle to Bruins, Misinformation, Heatley rumours swirling

Hi folks. Seriously friends, WTF? Where are the Sedins going? Are they the only players who can defeat the Caps in a 7 game series? It's getting REALLY crazy here right now in my mom's basement. Uh I mean in my headquarters. So much is happening that I can GUARANTEE all of you that something WILL happen before the day ends. If JBO signs with the Flames then I will give you nothing and you must give me all your money. Deal? Speaking of JBO, his signing is IMMINENT. I am hearing it will be a 6.3 mil Cap hit. The Flames will also be going after other UFAs and one of them could be Gaborik or Hossa. I am also hearing they could make a deal for Kaberle as well as sign Jiri Hudler to an offer sheet. I am hearing it could be a 6.3 mil Cap hit. Do not stay tuned...P2

The Sedins are in Sweden right now lip singing to old Abba 8 tracks in Borje Salming's basement. Their agent JP Barry is talking as we speak with Nucks GM Mike Gillis. He is NOT interested in keeping the Sisters. However Brian Burke has them both on his radar and WILL drive them from the airport himself on Wednesday at noon. I am hearing both should be signed to long term deals. The Cap hit will be 6.3 mil each and should be done by Wednesday. This is such a great move by Brian Burke. This makes the Leafs the best team in the NHL basically overnight. Burke is such a genius and he is also my best friend. More to not come later...P1

Vinny Lecavalier is going to be traded to the Habs today or tomorrow or Wednesday at the absolute latest. The deal is pretty much done. I mean the framework is in place it's just a matter of dotting the I's and crossing the T's. Marty St. Louis could also be included as part of the deal IF Carey Price is included on the Habs side. Nothing more is imminent...P3

Marian Hossa has the LA Kings as his PLAN B team should he not be able to re-sign with the Red Wings. I am hearing that Hossa wants to have a cap hit of 6.3 mil. But the Red Wings can only afford a Cap hit of 4.3 mil. Should the Red Wings lose out on Hossa, look for them to go after the young Richard Park in a trade with the Isles. The Wings also have their eye on the underrated superstar Ville Koistinen. He reminds me of Bobby Orr but also has some Ilka Sinisalo in him. Do not stay tuned...P3

Marian Gaborik has been seen by the local Vancouver residents installing his very own bowling alley in his backyard. He also plans on building a roof for when it rains. Seriously friends, WTF? Why is he doing this? Does he not realize that Nashville is a much better place for him to live? I saved the Preds so he should really be playing there. I am hearing the Cap hit will be 6.3 mil as soon as he becomes a Canuck. But the Canucks have to make sure they pay both Sedins 6.3 mil each. No more to come later...P1

Tomas Kaberle will be traded to the Bruins for Phil Kessel. The Leafs will then deal Kessel to the LA Kings for Braydon Schenn. This makes so much sense. Gary Bettman really wants the SCHENN DYNASTY to happen in Toronto so this will happen. Luke Schenn could become the next PONGER. But he could also be the next Bobby Orr. The potential is there. PONGER should make the Flyers early Cup favourites. Nothing is imminent...P2

Folks there has been alot of MISINFORMATION regarding possible trades. You all saw how I embarrassed myself AGAIN when Vinny was not a Hab on Draft Day. But I was MISINFORMED. Agents lied to me. Players lied to me. GM's lied to me. They ALL lied to me. Now allow me to make excuses and cover my ass further...Allow me to take the gutless way out (as I always do) and make up something which is a total lie...All players, agents and GM's trust me with their lives. They all use me for their own purpose. They ALL have their own agendas and they ALL use me to achieve them. I am a mere pawn in the game of NHL chess and therefore I should be considered to be a KING of the game. Give me all your money. Do not stay tuned...P4

The Dany Heatley rumours are SWIRLING right now. He could wind up anywhere at this point. Sens GM Bryan Murray had a deal in place with the Rangers. But the Rangers wanted Pascal Leclaire to be included in the deal so they could then deal Henrik Lundqvist to the Red Wings for Chris Osgood and Kris Draper. But this was rejected. I am now hearing that Heatley could be headed to the Blues for Keith Tkachuk. This would be a great move for the Sens as the ULTIMATE CAPTAIN KEITH TKACHUK would make the Sens an instant Cup favourite right up there with the Flyers. I just received a fake phone call on my Fisher Price Walkie Talkie that Heatley could now be headed to the Wild for Clutterbuck. Clutterbuck could be the next Rick Tocchet and I will be following his career very closely. He has Richard Park-esque potential. No more to come later...P3

Some quick hit BS rumours...

Spezza to Nords P4, Whalers P3, Scouts P2, Barons P1
Steve Mason to Oilers P4, Flames P3, Kings P2, Sharks P1
Perry Mason to Jets P4, Golden Seals P3, Rockies P2, Thistles P1
Kiprusoff to Leafs P4, Habs P3, Wings P2, Blue Jackets P1
Brodeur to Oilers P4, Sabres P3, Rangers P2, Isles P1

As I inhale helium and snort crack with an old 7up bottle autographed by Danny Briere, I have come to a revelation...some moves may be CONTINGENCY PLANS, SAFETY MOVES OR REACTION SIGNINGS. On July 1st alot will happen. My site will crash, I will be dead wrong about everything. I will also embarrass myself by using fake alias names on my own site and sticking up for myself. I will also ban people for telling the truth. I will also rip off TSN as much as I can and claim it as my own. I will prove once again how gutless I really am. I hope you all still love me though and give me all your money. There will be no update ever and all you people waiting for prizes you have won will never get them. More not to come later...P5

Here is a video of Eklund preparing with his sources for July 1st. Enjoy...

Draft Day aftermath, Vinny trade IMMINENT, Burke/Kings talking BS, Hossa's rights to Pens, JBO soon to be an Oiler, Thornton/Marleau for Sedins?

Hi folks. Here is the next NHL expansion team set to hit the NHL for next season! The Belarussians? Well it was another day of amazing and magical things. So many things happened and didn't happen. Many of my fake sources are taking a break right now. But then they will be busy once again as July 1st is fast approaching. I know I swore to you all that Vinny would be a Hab. I have been waiting for 3 years for this to FINALLY happen but it keeps hitting roadblocks I am told. Tampa simply wants MORE for Vinny. And until they get more from Vinny's new team, the deal will simply not happen. I just got off the phone with one of my trusted fake sources in Montreal named Guy Smiley. He has promised me on his fake life that a Vinny to Habs trade is IMMINENT. It could happen within the hour so do not stay tuned. It could happen by the end of the day. Or they may wait until tomorrow to announce it. But most likely it will happen on or before or AFTER July 1st. No more to come later...P4

Anyone else think that Tampa GM Brian Lawton looks like Danny Tanner from that old tv show FULL HOUSE? Speaking of which, the Habs fans were AWESOME these past 2 days. As I sit on my pelican, heading back to Philly, I have come to a revelation. There should be a new church built in Montreal and the new religion can be hockey. Bob Gainey can dress in a pope uniform with the Habs logo on it and wave to everyone. He can even wear those white shoes. White smoke can come from this new church when the Habs trade for Vinny. It makes so much sense and it will be magical. Do not stay tuned...P2

Brian Burke was VERY disappointed he was unable to draft Luke Schenn in the draft. He envisioned a SCHENN DYNASTY in Toronto and that is simply not going to happen now. One half of the SCHENN DYNASTY is in LA now. Brian Burke just called me on Twitter and has told me that he is trying desperately to make a deal with Kings GM Dean Lombardi. Lombardi loves Schenn and is not willing to part with him. Or is he? I am hearing that Grabovski may be the key in all of this. If Burke is willing to give up the future 50 goal scorer then a deal could be made here. I could see a Schenn for Grabovski PLUS deal happening. It makes so much sense that it could really happen. Many teams wants the great Grabovski and Burke is going to take the best one. Seriously friends, WTF do you think of Burke's draft day performance? It is it better or worse than my trade deadline performances? P4

Red Wings GM Ken Holland realizes that he has no cap space to re-sign Marian Hossa. I told all of you this was going to be the case. Only me. No one else. I am hearing from one of my fake Detroit sources that Hossa's right are being shopped to the Penguins. The Pens still love Hossa and see him playing with Sid the Kid for the next 10 years. To make room for Hossa, Jordan Staal will have to me moved. He could be going to Carolina for Eric Staal. I am also hearing that a possible 3 way trade could happen here. Eric Staal goes to the Rangers for Marc Staal who is then flipped to the Pens for Joran Staal. There is alot of staaling going on right now as all 3 teams are waiting for the next shoe to drop. Or the next domino to fall. The Pens have a safety player in mind in case none of this works out. He is currently playing in the southeast and is under the age of 25. I am told the Red Wings want a 1st round pick for Hossa's rights. The Pens are thinking about it but may not do it. It all depends on where the Vinny domino falls. No more to come later...P2

This is my house and you do as I say or DIE! So we all know that right now JBO is a Flame. The Flames are about $40 million over the Cap so they need to do something. I am hearing that Cammalleri will not be back. He may be going to Ottawa as soon as Heatley is moved. LA wants Heatley BIG TIME and they could be willing to deal Frolov, Johnson and a #1 pick. This could happen before July 1st. I am told that Heatley will be replacing Dustin Brown as Kings captain and it makes so much sense. It truly is a magical time in LA right now and this team should play the Hawks in the Western Final this season. The Oilers really have the inside track on signing JBO. I am also hearing that Oilers GM, Steve Tambellini plans on having no forwards or goalies on his team for next season. Instead the entire Oilers team will consist of defensemen. The Oilers plan on making trades for Lidstrom, Chara, Green and Kaberle. That is only the beginning Oilers fans. This has never been done before so we all should appreciate how amazing this really is. This is such a magical time to be an Oilers fan right now and I see the Oilers playing the Kings in the West Final next season. P4

Well so many players were drafted from so many countries this weekend. But the true great players are the Belarussians? What is a Belarussian? Oh I know what it is. These are people who live in Russia and worship former Habs great Jean Beliveau. I just figured it out. This makes so much sense. It is truly a magical time right now to be a Belarussian? I see the Belarussians playing the Oilers in the West Final next season. P4

I have some inside info on my Pek Blackberry (given to me by Jim Balsille) that there is a huge mega super blockbuster trade which is very imminent. The Sharks would trade super playoff beast Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau to the Canucks for the Sedin rights. The Sharks would then sign both Mary Kate and Ashley Sedin to 10 year contracts worth league max, which is about $5 mil a year each. The Sedins are from Belarussia and could be playing each other in the West Final next season. This is truly a magical time for the Sedins, LA, the Oilers and everyone else in the NHL. If the Sharks get the Sedins then this could totally shift the balance of power in the West. The North will also be affeced as could be the South. But the East will not be affected I am told. It all depends on the Heatley domino. No more to come later...P1

Some quick hit BS rumours...

Biron to Rangers P4, Devils P3, Leafs P2, Habs P1
Chara to Blues P4, Wings P3, Stars P2, Canucks P1
Morrow to Flyers P4, Caps P3, Pens P2, Devils P1
Ovechkin to Rangers P4, Leafs P3, Sabres P2, Pens P1
Crosby to Lightning P4, Panthers P3, Kings P2, Sharks P1

Well as I sit here in my froggie kiddie pool eating stale ice cream sandwiches and year old orange tang powder mixed with cheap margarita mix...I have come to a revelation...The Red Wings got the steals of the draft because they got Landon Ferraro and that Tatar guy. The Tatar guy can score goals in bunches and could be the next Petr Klima. We saw what he can do in the World Junior Championship. It is truly a magical time to be a Wings fan right now and I see them playing the Belarussians in the West Final next season. The Belarussians could be a real force in the league for quite some time. Tune in next time when I ramble on about nothing and you learn nothing from what I say. No more to come later, do not stay tuned and nothing is imminent in my house, in my ass or anywhere else for that matter. I have to fly my pelican to Belarus and visit some Belarussians and see if they can tell me when Dany Heatley will be traded to LA. Have fun folks and be magical...P4

Here is a video of Eklund talking with the new owner and GM of the all new Belarus Belarussians? hockey team. Enjoy...